It's the time of the year. One of the most difficult time of the year - for teachers, parents and children. A new beginning for many children. A new milestone - FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.
It is not easy for children as they have to leave their secure homes and step into an unfamiliar environment and learn to trust a
stranger (the teacher).
It is not easy for parents to see their children crying, and sometimes parents feel heartbroken to see their little babies go through this phase.
It is not easy for teachers - can you imagine juggling three crying children, and at the same time, ensure that the other children have your attention, too? At the beginning of the day, I have to make sure I have my caffeine and my chicken essence to give me extra energy to face the challenges.
Easing Separation Anxiety
The best way to ease separation anxiety is to bridge the gap between home and school. In school, we invite the parents to stay with the children for the first few days of school. This is so that the children can start to build relationship with the teachers in a secure environment.
Children may bring in their own toy from home as a security blanket. Parents can give a family photo so that the children feel connected too their families during the day. If the child is not settled, come early, so that the child is not separated for such a long period of time.
Parents have to trust the teachers to take care of the children. Sometimes, it's difficult, but you just have to let go. The more you linger, the more difficult it is for your child to settle down.
Over the years, I have experienced many types of reactions to separation. Every child is unique and behaves differently, but generally, these are the categories:
The Nonchalant
Some children have no issue at all in going to school. Bear in mind that every child have different attachment patterns. This does not mean your child loves you any less than the one rolling on the floor crying. These children love to come to school and are so busy playing that they do not even look up to say goodbye to their parents.
The Silent Crier
This child does not burst out crying, rather, the tears well up in the eyes and drop down sadly. This child needs lots of reassurance, but calms down easily. The key is distraction. After acknowledging the child's feelings, I distract the child with fun things - Let's do drawing! Wow, look at this book! Come, let's play with the dolls!! I had a child who loves songs, and whenever he cried, I'd sing, and he'd sing along through his tears.
The Child who Rolls on the Floor Crying
This is the challenging one, as when they start screaming, it affects the other children as well. This child usually needs one to one attention separately from the class. Some might even vomit (that's the reason I always have spare clothes with me in school). Step one - build trust. This child needs to form an attachment to a teacher. Once that happens, I would have a shadow, following me wherever I go - even to the toilet! Over time, the child will slowly get used to other teachers, too.
Different children take different lengths of time to settle down. Sometimes, they are simply not ready. I had a child who cried hysterically every day for hours for a month. We then decided that the child was simply not ready and advised the mum to give her some time away from school. Three months down the road, she tried again. On her first day back at school - she said goodbye to her mum without a single tear!! That shows that sometimes, they just need some time.
Advice for parents - work together with the teachers if you are concerned. Make sure you find a school where you can trust the teachers to take care of your child when your child is vulnerable.
Happy schooling! :-)