I have already read so many versions of this series and I find it very helpful. Positive Discipline emphasizes on KIND & FIRM discipline methods that are non-punitive. They provide reasoning that are just - common sense.
To discipline children, you must first understand about their development. After all, you can't punish them for something beyond their control. It's like you punishing a one-month-old baby for not being able to walk when in fact (of course) babies can't walk yet. It's the same with expecting them to share, reason, follow instructions. When they are 0-3, they are unable to do it yet.
Instead of punishing them or even worse, being permissive that they get out of control, take baby steps. Children won't get it the first time. Be patient.
Some helpful things to remember! :)
GOING OUT IN PUBLIC
1. Plan ahead
- If you are going for a wedding dinner, expect that your little one will be restless.
2. Involve Children in the Planning Process
- Guide them through the day step by step: When you go into the car, what should you do? At the dinner, if you feel restless, what should you do?
3. Offer Limited Choices
- This is a great way to encourage autonomy. Children love to feel in charge. Make sure both choices you offer are doable and follow through. For example, you want your child to wear his shoes. Choices: do you want to put on your shoes on your own or do you want me to help you put on your shoes? Both doable and will get you the result you want.
4. Ask "What" & "How" Questions
- Eg, If a child is stuck on her tricycle, ask "What do you think would happen if you got off and backed up?" This invites her to think and is different from merely telling her to get off & back up.
5. Follow Through with Dignity & Respect
- Do what you say respectfully and give them a chance to try again.
SHARING
Note: Natural human development is that before 2, children are egocentric. To them, they are the center of their own world. This is not being selfish, it is being human.
1. Don't force your toddler to share
2. Begin teaching the concept of sharing without expecting them to understand
- Stories are a good way to introduce them to the concept of sharing
3. Model sharing
- Say, "I will share my cake with you"
4. Support your child's need to possess
- After all, you as an adult might have some things that you do not want to share. Try to understand children.
- Help other children find another toy to play with or provide more than one of the same toy is possible.
5. Acknowledge their feelings
- "I know it can be difficult to share.I have faith that you will share when you are ready"
6. Give opportunities for sharing
- Let them choose a toy for their friend.
7. Pretend Play
- Model sharing through dolls
8. Avoid passing judgment by shaming, labeling them as "naughty" or forcing them to apologize
- Kindly & firmly remove the item which belongs to someone else that she can't have without lecturing or shaming. You might say, "It is hard to share. You really wanted that." This shows empathy.
METHODS FOR IMPLEMENTING POSITIVE DISCIPLINE
1. Get children involved
2. Teach respect by being respectful
3. Use your sense of humour
4. Get into your child's world
5. If you say it, mean it and if you mean it, follow through with kindness & firmness
6. Create routines
7. Offer choices
8. Provide opportunities to help
9. Be patient
10. Provide supervision, distraction & redirection
Showing posts with label Positive Discipline. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Positive Discipline. Show all posts
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Positive Discipline - Punishments
From Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen
To make children do better, we have to make them feel worse?
Is it more important for children to PAY for what they have done or to LEARN from what they have done?
Do children learn better through control and intimidation or through exploring the results of their choices in a nurturing environment?
Put yourself in a child's shoes. Would you be motivated to do better if your boss or your spouse treats you this way? Would it inspire you to improve your behaviour? Think back on your childhood, did you like it when you were punished? Just because you turned out fine anyway, it doesn't mean that there isn't a better way of discipline.
Punishment may help stop misbehaviour, but look at the long range results of punishments: Rebellion or Compliance. Compliance may seem like a good thing on the surface, but do you really want blind obedience? Punishment is an external control, it depends on others to tell what's right or wrong. Do you want a child to be an approval junkie? Approval junkie will always look to adults for praise and they rely on the opinions of others for their sense of self worth.
Think about what you really want for your child.
To make children do better, we have to make them feel worse?
Is it more important for children to PAY for what they have done or to LEARN from what they have done?
Do children learn better through control and intimidation or through exploring the results of their choices in a nurturing environment?
Put yourself in a child's shoes. Would you be motivated to do better if your boss or your spouse treats you this way? Would it inspire you to improve your behaviour? Think back on your childhood, did you like it when you were punished? Just because you turned out fine anyway, it doesn't mean that there isn't a better way of discipline.
Punishment may help stop misbehaviour, but look at the long range results of punishments: Rebellion or Compliance. Compliance may seem like a good thing on the surface, but do you really want blind obedience? Punishment is an external control, it depends on others to tell what's right or wrong. Do you want a child to be an approval junkie? Approval junkie will always look to adults for praise and they rely on the opinions of others for their sense of self worth.
Think about what you really want for your child.
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